What is art? What is it all about? For me, it’s my voice, my way of communicating emotional and spiritual things. When I paint, I will often just let go and put color and marks on the canvas. I believe, these days it is called ‘intuitive painting’. I paint what I’m feeling.
My painting over the last few years has changed a lot. I’m glad for that, because I want to change. I don’t want to stay the same. I cry out to God to change me and make me better, heal me, grow me and help me to be more like Him. But, I noticed that my artwork was getting darker, less bright and colorful. I struggled for a bit with that. I don’t want to paint dark paintings. People don’t want to see my dark side, they want happy paintings, is what I would tell myself. I want happy paintings. I want this perfect happy life…like everyone has on Facebook..ha ha, but I really don’t have that.
The last couple of years, as I sought God to take me deeper and closer to Him, one of the things that I addressed was painting the darkness. I’m talking about taking the mask off and just being able to say that I’m okay with not being okay. I don’t always have it all together, not always happy, sometimes hopeless, depressed, sad, lonely, or angry. How do I apply that to my work and keep it balanced with what is good and the hope and faith I have in life?
I’ve been told by people at art shows and such that some of my work is too dark. Maybe it’s just me, but the process of surrendering my life, my heart and my thoughts over to God has hard. I would like it to be easy, it seems to be for some, but for me there is always just struggle and turmoil. I think that the high contrast, the place were the dark and light collide is kind of violent, but it is also where I grow. I like the thought of breathing in God, taking in more and more of His presence with each breath, and then exhaling the darkness, just letting it go. And then on the other side is God, and He is exhaling the very essence of life into my being and as He inhales, He draws the darkness from my body. How awesome is that! There is always a struggle to get to that place of surrender, but what an awesome place to be.
‘Heaven Calls’ 36 x 36 on canvas
‘Earth Responds’ 36 x 36 on canvas